Hoodlums [OO #355]

An ugly human trait is surfacing all around the world. In its most definitive form, the trait is found in – of all places – Great Britain, the very home of manners and proper behavior. An underclass of toughs seems to be well-developed. These types travel to what they call football but an American would call a soccer tournament. Their object is neither to watch nor to play, but to get into massive fights with anyone else attending. Then, bars and cafés are trashed, and to their vast delight the bums get arrested.

This hooliganism is actually planned, according to our extensive research (watching a 15-minute TV segment). They organize and plan the fights, and love to get bloodied. The British are quite baffled, since the European countries to which they travel rarely try and imprison the bullies – they're just tossed out. So, without convictions, the Brits feel they can't deny passports. Other countries are organizing similar gangs, and attending a sporting event now seems to call for light body armor [or armour if you are English]. What to do? We have a quick and dirty (very dirty) solution.

There are constant eruptions of much more serious mass brutality. In Sierra Leone, and elsewhere in the miserable and hard-beset continent of Africa, the rival gangs are unspeakably cruel, cutting off hands of women and children, and otherwise behaving like depraved monsters. In Japan, the very home of elaborate politeness, a crazy sect released poison gas in the subway. In the States, where guns are commoner than corn flakes, your average teenager believes a few well-placed shots will settle the score created by a low grade in social studies. In its extreme form, in Texas, proud home of the affable airhead about to be nominated by a so-called major party, the game works both ways, with the State leading in executions. Wherever we look we see a taste for cruelty and violence. Why?

To find an answer to the question we just posed, one must realize that inordinately cruel behavior is found in all societies. The well-educated and well-disciplined Germans were highly systematically vile two generations ago, and so were the despicable Serbs last year. Cruelty is a human weakness, everywhere. So is the tendency of young males to riot when in mob mode, and the continent doesn't matter. Religious beliefs are phony excuses for rioting, and so are racial differences and false "memories" of historical injustices. Those are excuses, and they vary, but the joy of mass marauding is the same. It's in the blood.

The OO Sociological Research Branch is studying the problem intensely. Preliminary findings point to a solution in what are roughly called "civilized" countries. That solution is to relieve the pressure by having fewer minor laws: if you want to stay up all night and drink, go ahead. You want a prostitute? Not our problem. We will also provide venues for the young and stupid to whack each other freely. Simultaneously, we would punish really atrocious behavior with ferocious penalties, so that there is to be seen a symbolic wall between being bad and being inhuman. And the football rowdies? We can't tell you directly in print, but in our view they shouldn't spread their genetic heritage. As the animal rights activists put it: neuter and spay, that's the humane way.

Next time: Ph.D. [OO #356]